What Makes a Good Relationship… Good?

What Makes a Good Relationship… Good?

What makes a healthy relationship…… Healthy?

What do you define as a good/healthy relationship?

A lot of people define a good relationship as…

–    We get along well

–    We have common interests

–    We are attracted to each other

–    Trust and loyalty

–    We complement each other well

All good answers. But what makes a relationship great? And what makes a relationship truly healthy?

Before I get into any of this I want to first talk about my history of unhealthiness in relationships

–    I didn’t meet my dad until I was 14. Parents were divorced.

–    Mom got remarried to an alcoholic when I was 8. They eventually got divorced

–    Both were very unhealthy relationships.

–    I didn’t know what healthy relationships really looked like besides my grandparents.

–    I would get angry so quickly in relationships. I would shout.

–    I would verbally attack my GFS. I would name call. I would blame. I would manipulate.

–    I often orbited myself around my relationships.

–    I didn’t know what love was because I didn’t truly love myself first. We can’t give something we don’t have.

–    I would try to control situations.

–    I was the unhealthy one in the relationship.

It wasn’t until I healed from my dad wound I could be healthy enough to have a healthy relationship.

It Takes Two Healthy People To Have a Healthy Relationship.

If you are taking notes, I want you to write this down. “A healthy relationship has two healthy people in it.” Not one. It takes two. I’m not talking about medically healthy. I’m talking about our hearts. Are we or they healthy enough to bring themselves into a relationship with another person?

Too many times I see someone date simply because they don’t want to be alone.

They don’t feel loved or accepted until they have a relationship.

The problem with that philosophy is that we are imperfect human beings and no one is perfect. If we don’t love ourselves first, the other person is set up to fail. They can’t bring you your identity of love and acceptance.

This situation was my harsh reality.

Until I faced my problems head-on by myself, I couldn’t have much to offer in a long-term relationship.

We can’t do it for someone. They can’t do it for us. It’s something we need to do by ourselves.

We should never date someone to fix them.

So Again “What do you define as a good/healthy relationship?”

Again, a lot of people define a good relationship as…

–    We get along well

–    We have common interests

–    We are attracted to each other

–    Trust and loyalty

–    We complement each other well

All good answers. But what makes a relationship great? And what makes a relationship TRULY healthy?

Important Questions To Ask Yourself

-Are you better off with or without each other?

-Do you think you’d achieve your purpose in life or passions better with or without him or her?

-Do you feel supported most of the time with dreams or aspirations that align with who you are and what you were created to do?

-Do you trust him or her? And vice versa. Do they trust you? Do their actions speak yes to that question? Do yours?

-Is there a scoreboard in your relationship?

For example, if you do something for your significant other do you feel the need to throw it back at them later when they don’t reciprocate or when you don’t feel loved by them?

A way it could look like is “I did this for you last week. You should do this for me.”

Here’s a hard question to answer for a lot of people in relationships…

Do you or the other person orbit themselves around the each other?

Do you feel orbited? Do they?

Do you feel like your current relationship defines who you are and you wouldn’t know who you were if they weren’t around anymore? Is that healthy for YOU? And is that healthy for THEM?

–    Do their dreams and passions line up where you want to go in life?

–    Are you okay marrying into their family? You are if you eventually get married.

Here is another solid question in my opinion…

When there is a conflict how do you handle it with him/her? And vice versa? How do they manage it?

Is that healthy?

Is there blame? Is there constant shouting? Does it get physical?

In healthy relationships, there is conflict (you can’t always avoid it) but is it healthy conflict?

I don’t claim to have a perfect relationship or to be perfect. But most of the time when there is conflict in a healthy relationship there is

–    No blaming

–    There is apologizing (even if its only 10% wrong. Apologize for your 10%)

–    There isn’t shouting

–    It never gets physical

–    There is no scoreboard keeping

–    There is no attacking verbally or name calling

If there is this consistently in a relationship, I would remove myself from it if I were you. If you are married I would never condone divorce I would seek wise counsel.

Don’t Ignore Warning Signs.

Merely ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away. And they will come up at the most inopportune time in our life. It’s the same as throwing a piece of wood over a pothole in the road. It’s still there, and it should be fixed.

From Reading This, What Do You Feel Like Your Heart Is Telling You?

What do you feel like your next step is?

Is it…

–    Having a tough conversation with someone?

–    Ending an unhealthy relationship?

–    Is it seeking help in that department?

–    Maybe you realize you have some stuff you need to work on with yourself? We all do.

This article isn’t about what’s wrong with your significant other. It’s about what is your next step with what you can control.

Your job isn’t to fix the other person. You can’t. It’s about YOU.

How can you love them more if it is a healthy relationship?

How can you make sure you steer your conversation to the healthy side when there is a conflict? Conflict or quarrels are inevitable in relationships. Two imperfect human beings are with each other.

You don’t blame. You don’t yell. You don’t criticize.

So I’m not saying end your relationship. Even though that might be some of you listening, that might be your next step.

I’m saying don’t settle.

You and the other person deserve the best person for them.

You both deserve a healthy relationship.

What is your next step? And when are you going take it?

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